An Airport Bathroom Lyrics

Twelve sticks lined up, all labeled with a marker
But deep down, I knew the lines weren't getting darker
But I obsessed, I bought more tests
The faintest line is still a yes, I hoped
And I had this realistic dream where I held you in my arms
And I don't know why, but I convinced myself that dreams were signs from God
And that you were fine, I see a line
And you'd be mine in nine months time, I hoped
The doctor said it's early
He called you chemical, and that pissed me off
And everything went blurry
I shut the lights and curled up in a ball
Sure, you were small

But you had a name, I ordered little shoes
You had a daddy who watched about a million YouTubes on how to swaddle you
We told the family that you were coming soon
You had a fuzzy blue monkey that used to be mommy's that was waiting here for you
And just like that, I had to say goodbye to you in an airport bathroom
In an airport bathroom

All I could think about is why did this even happen?
Was there something wrong? Was it all my fault?
Now someone's asking, "Are you pregnant? Are you trying?"
Don't start crying, don't start crying, don't make it weird
But once I started smiling, my husband finally let himself cry
'Cause our DNA made DNA and we were mom and dad for a moment in time
You were more than a line

You had a name, I ordered little shoes
You had a daddy who watched about a million YouTubes on how to swaddle you
We told the family that you were coming soon
You had a fuzzy blue monkey that used to be mommy's that was waiting here for you
And just like that, I had to say goodbye to you in an airport bathroom
In a fucking airport bathroom

Seventeen months later, I found myself back in that same bathroom
And I looked in the mirror with a baby in my arms
And I thought of you, and how someday soon
We'll meet again in a better place
That's when I'll hear a little voice say
"Mama, I've been waiting for you
And we were so much bigger than an airport bathroom"