BIG D RANDY: THE CALL Lyrics

Uh, bro, who's fucking calling me?
What the f— It's five in the fucking morning
Hello? Bro
Calling me unknown at five in the morning
Bro, if it's about that butt plug, I promise I'll give it up
DigBar?
Is this Digbar?
This is Randy's granny
Wait what?
I'm getting sick and tired of my grandson terrorizing Halloween every damn year
Wait, Randy's granny?
I can't take it anymore
Oh, I-I-I've been calling you for m— years!
I know, but if, if it was your grandson, you'd find a way to protect him
I don't— I don't want him dead but it's got to a point now
We gotta get that nigga gone
That nigga's ruining everyone's life
I agree, I agree
But I mean, I shot the nigga in his head about ten times
What else do you want me to do?
He's clearly not a human
I mean, I ain't never seen no shit likе this in my life
I-I'm at a loss for words
Listen DigBar, I don't have much timе
Randy's almost home
I know you've always wanted to know what happened to him, and I should've told you sooner
Randy had a ritual done on him when he was in college at a track meet
Oh, Randy was such a track star
But anyways, there's a man we shouldn't speak of
He goes by the name of... Bobby Butthole
He's the one responsible for all this
He's the one who made randy into this monster
I'm telling you DigBar, Bobby cursed Randy
And if you successfully lift Randy's curse and it's not done flawlessly, it'll alert Bobby Butthole
That'll be a whole 'nother thing we gotta worry about
You think Randy's bad?
You don't wanna deal with Bobby
And I heard he's back in town
I heard he might work at a st-
A steakhouse
I've ran into Bobby
He tried to take me and my friends into a dungeon and do weird witchcraft shit on us
I fuckin' ran into Bobby
It all makes fuckin' sense
So, so Bobby's above Randy?
Well... he was but now Randy has all the power
He passed it on to him
And if you lift the curse, it'll kill Randy
But if done incorrectly, Bobby will come back a thousand times stronger
He'll gain everything back
Holy shit
But Randy just pulled in, so listen closely
Okay okay
Halloween's tomorrow, you must lure Randy into that same park as last time
This is gonna sound crazy but these are the steps
Okay
You need three dildos, the sticky ones
What?
You need to stick one on each ass cheek and one to his head
Uh, okay?
This will stun him temporarily
While stunned, you gotta slap that dick
Slap his dick?
Yes, slap his dick, and I mean slap it
Granny, what—
Let it spin seven times and on the eighth spin, you shoot it off
I'm shooting his dick?
Then you quickly gotta pin him down, tie him up face down, give him four ass smacks, two on each cheek
Now I'm— now I'm smacking his ass?
You'll feel a tingle if you did all this correctly
Then drench him in gas and light his black ass on fire and let it burn, baby
Granny, what is this freak ass shit?
Like, are you dead serious?
Baby, I'm so serious
I mean, shit, if that's what it takes
Look, I gotta go, he's here
But, DigBar, everyone's counting on you
Finish this!
Man, man, man
I can't believe this shit
Randy and Bobby
But y'all heard granny
Man, let's get to work

Started off my day with hella squats
I know this shit gon' hurt
Thinking to myself that I can't do it
What if it don't work?
I can't believe that all this damn time, Bobby pulled the strings
He's the one who cursed Randy years ago on Halloween
Man, fuck, I'm just stuck
I'm sick of Randy taking butt
I've been reaching out to granny for some years
This shit is nuts
I gotta get my shit together
Got one day to get this done
I'ma put an end to this
I'll lift the curse and take his buns

Oh, he wants you, he wants me
It's a Randy Halloween
He wants you, he wants me
It's a Randy Halloween
And it's just begun
And it's just begun

Okay, first things first, I hit up Spencer's, get these dildos
Why are they so sticky and so slimy?
Man, they feel gross
I bought three, then I go and hit the gun range
Got to get my tomahawking down for long and close range
Why the fuck she got me doing this? This shit is so strange
But I won't never ever question granny, she play no games
I'm in here tomahawking dicks, I don't feel no shame
And I left the range
And I picked up all the gas for when we blow flames